Sunday I deactivated my OKCupid account after just a month of use.
Thank God, Buddha, Google...whomever you currently pray to.
I had a lot of anxiety even setting up a profile. Just ask my friend Kristen. I probably sent her about 4,305 DM's on Twitter asking her if she was SURE this was something fun to do.
I'm not gonna lie...it was fun. For a minute.
But then I discovered that the negative emotions I was getting from it far outweighed the positive ones.
-I didn't particularly like ignoring people, but I also didn't have a time to answer everyone.
-I didn't like getting negative stuff, and then having to write ranty posts about it (though it needed to be said). Sometimes having blog fodder isn't worth the hassle, IMHO.
-I also didn't particularly enjoy going through the rigmarole of having the same email conversations over and over with dudes...conversations we could have just as easily had over coffee.
-I also ALSO didn't feel good about meeting dudes and then a) feeling no connection or b) feeling a connection and then getting no real follow through from the guy. (Such is dating, such is life. I know this.)
-It was also a HUGE time suck. Good lord. So many wasted hours.
I have to admit...maybe all my negative emotions were contrived and now used as a convenient excuse to quit. Maybe I was never really ready to put myself out there like that. Maybe I've learned all too well how to network and take online relationships offline to the point where I cut out a guy's chance to romance or woo me in the name of OHMYFUCKINGGOD, ASK ME OUT ALREADY. (Ahem. Sorry.)
And maybe, just maybe, it didn't feel organic. I dunno...while the whole month was incredibly flattering (hello, attention), and even though it's tough to meet someone in a bar, at least it's a bit more natural when you do. ("Natural" meaning there's a physical attraction quickly followed by a conversation, maybe a number, maybe a date later). Online dating doesn't leave a lot of room for flirting or charm, either. And it certainly sterilizes the process a bit by asking that you exchange an undetermined amount of generic emails until one person or the other feels comfortable enough to meet.
(Oh. Did I mention that I'm not the most patient person in the world? I apologize, all you perfectly nice OKCupid dudes. In this case, it was me, not you. Um, well, strike that...in some cases, it was most definitely you. Ha. Sorry.)
Here is what I know to be true (<--my new favorite phrase for figuring things out). I'm a busy girl, with lots of cool things happening. One day, I'd probably like to share my busy life with someone again. I wouldn't even mind sharing a meal or a walk or whatever with someone now...
...but I also am okay with not forcing the issue. Being on a site where people are actively LOOKING for that, well...for me, it felt forced. And I don't want that vibe right now. I want to continue to eat up the present, and I want to keep learning more about myself, and I really, really want to make some of these things I love happen. I guess I don't know quite yet how dating fits into that.
I'm okay with not pushing to find out.