"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it."
That used to be one of my favorite quotes. It saw me through many a tough day or week, and helped me start to learn to forgive myself for bad decision making. It was always easier to get through today if I knew that tomorrow I could start fresh, with no mistakes.
Now I know that quote is kinda bullshit.
Why is it bullshit?
Because right now, this moment, is just as mistake free as the moments of tomorrow.
(I mean, assuming you're not murdering someone right this second. And if so, stop that.)
Improv, of course, helped me to debunk the myth of the mistake-free tomorrow. Improv is all about the NOW...as a student of Improv, you are taught very early on that "Today is the day!" meaning that the truest moments are the NOW moments.
Talking about the past is boring.
Talking about things that may or may not happen in the future halts action.
Things that happen NOW are exciting.
"Yes" is exciting, because it embraces NOW and then gives you the freedom of "And..." which is the notion of adding, gifting, and growing from the deepest, truest, most real part of yourself to the situation you've already been given.
I liked them apples so much, I inked it on my person. Don't mind my man paws.
And because it wouldn't be TNR without a few embarrassingly personal revelations...
I used to kind of hate hanging out with my family (sorry, family). Even five years after my divorce, I felt judged and watched. And to be perfectly honest, I think I am still judged and watched in a lot of ways.
But! My reaction to the way my family approaches me is just that...MY reaction.
- I can choose to be bitter, or I can choose to be open and loving.
- I can choose to hide and stifle parts of myself around them (so they will think better of me), or I can choose to be the person I know myself to be, no matter what.
- I can choose to continue to wait and wait and wait for "tomorrow" when we'll forget the past and things will be all unicorns and rainbows. Or, I can choose to be the kind of person I need to be TODAY, regardless of whether they change or not.
I used to miss a day at the gym, or eat something fatty and wonderful bad for myself and say, "Fuck it, today is ruined," and then continue to be lazy and eat shitty stuff the rest of the day. Or the week, even, citing Monday as the day I'd get back on track (one of the reasons I kind of despise Mondays at the gym now...it's always more crowded on Mondays than any other day of the week).
Now if I eat that half a pizza bad thing, I say to myself, "Damn, that half a pizza bad thing was delicious. Back to salad time, immediately." Or, "It was super fun to be lazy all day today, but it looks like the dogs need a walk right now."
Flove (isn't alliteration great?)
Writing about love and relationships is hard sometimes, because my practical side can quickly turn into the "bitchy and bitter" side. I'm a down to earth girl, I like to keep it real, but sometimes that also means shutting off the softer, more emotional parts of myself. For instance, my friend Jackie told me recently, with passion and hope, "I really think you'll get married again one day," and I almost rolled my eyes so hard they clunked.
But then I started to realize that my own self-protectiveness was also shutting down my "Yes." I'd panic in date situations where the dude was a not my ideal...and instead of embracing the situation for what it was in the NOW ("this is a potential friend/coffee with a new acquaintance is fun"), good old tough girl Sarah was already outlining the 7 Ways I'll Bean a Douchebag the Next Time I'm on a Date in her head.
(And also thinking in third person, apparently.)
This is why I talked last week about being open. Openness is NOW. This is not to say I believe that every dude who asks me out is a potential THE ONE (you know how I feel that), but I think a softer, more open, more NOW me is a good thing. It makes me into someone who could--vomit--believe in love again. Which means I have to be the kind of person NOW who could be in love again.
<Insert 16 more "vomits" here>
This is a long one for a Monday, I know, but I guess I just wanted to share a little bit with you, and maybe inspire you to pick yourself up right now if you need to. Mondays are notoriously sucky sometimes...but why wait for Tuesday to make things better?
"Tomorrow Now is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."