Tawkify Review

Who has two thumbs, signed up for a dating service she found in Smart Money Magazine, has a pretty damn good Klout score and also got stood up by said dating service?


Here's the story:

Last year I purchased a subscription to Smart Money magazine because I figured it'd be a lot like buying a gym membership December 31: surely, by this one move, I'd be motivated to be super awesome without any other commitments whatsoever.

Instead, they make a very pretty stack on an end table...

...except for the ONE I decided to crack open.

I had also been unceremoniously dumped not long before. Over the phone. At 7:30 in the morning. Huzzah!

So I was pretty interested that this issue mentioned Tawkify.com, a new dating service based on Klout score that uses old school techniques like phone calls to do all the dirty bidness (tagline: "Love at first phone call.")

"Hm," I thought, "I have a decent Klout score because of my unhealthy obsession with Twitter. I should totally try this out."

Also: "I am dumped, sad, and not getting laid. Let's do this thing."

(Sidebar: I did learn one thing from Smart Money...sign up for things that are free.)

Because of my Klout score, I qualified for an offer to receive three free matches. This seemed like a decent deal, plus, the site claims that real people--yes, actual human beings--read your profile and look at your picture and then those real human beings match you with another real human being who is presumably not a murderer and has the same unhealthy obsession to Twitter that you do.


So, I signed up.

And I waited. And waited. I thought at first maybe I had done something wrong, and maybe I needed to pay them money, but then I was like, "NO, they said it was FREE and I need to offset my Smart Money subscription by not spending any more money on other subscriptions that I don't really need." So I waited some more.

And finally, I received a lovely little email in my inbox that I was going to have a call! And wasn't I excited!??! 

And lo, I was.

The automated stuff on the site actually rocked...I not only received two emails:

I also received a text message and a voicemail, reminding me of my call. With Jeffrey. Who liked woodworking. And fiction. 

I put it in my calendar. Because I live and die by my calendar. Also, I put an exclamation point, because a) I am clearly a 12 year old girl and b) because I thought it seemed more exciting:

And then I waited. 

I had a cocktail (or two).

I actually, for some odd reason, looked at myself in the mirror for a brief second. You know, because I'm an idiot.

And I waited some more.

And soon it became abundantly clear that I had been stood up. By a dating service. That is automated.

But don't worry, they still pretended like I got my call by posting this to my dashboard:


That's right, I did not even get to decide whether I thought Jeffrey's love of woodworking was lovely, or that his taste in fiction was worse than mine.

Boo. And being judgmental is such fun, too.

PS--I actually really liked the concept of Tawkify. A friend and I have talked in depth about how people who are involved in Social Media on a daily basis, and often meet people offline from our online interactions, need to find someone else who, if not crazy active online, at least "gets it." Then here's some ridiculous website that's like, "Not only do we know that you get it, and want someone else who gets it, we get it too, and we are willing to hook you the fuck up." Seems pretty ideal, right?

Sadly, it appears that the best things in life are a) not free and b) not based on an arbitrary measure of influence.

Wamp, wamp.