On Sex

The following post is not an invitation, a suggestion, or cry for "help". Suggestive comments, DM's or messages will be deleted forthwith. Or, if not deleted, I will Tweet what you say to the public.

So, I've never written about sex explicitly on The Naked Redhead. I suppose this is somewhat surprising, considering I get numerous hits from people assuming I am p0rn. But, I gotta write on what I'm thinking about, so...

I think about sex. A lot. Also? I want sex. A lot.

I dunno if it's because I'm in the beginning of my dirty thirties. Maybe it is. I mean, I officially feel sorry for all high school boys ever.

Dear High School Boys, I apologize for thinking you were icky back in the day, with only one thing on your mind. I am THERE. It's sad. I literally can barely concentrate on life because...


Love, TNR

So yes, I'm a high school boy trapped in a thirty-one-year-old woman's body. Which is a problem (er, not just because for some reason there is a young boy trapped in my body). Here's why:

Problem 1: I am not in a relationship--For the first time in oh, ten years--give or take a year--I'm without someone who regularly sleeps with me, er...who, uh, shares a life with me. Or whatever.

Problem the B: I don't feel like whoring it up--I whored it up for a brief period in my twenties. And, while that was somewhat fun, I don't really feel like having mediocre sex with strangers just because I happen to be a) drunk b) available c) drunk.

Problem le Third: I am picky--See problem the B. I know what I like, I know what I need, and I'm not willing to go home with the townie/frat boy/stranger at the bar, just 'cause it's "there".

My recent one-track-mind focus has come as somewhat of a surprise to me. My experience with sex ed as a young girl in the Baptist/Christian community was a little messed up. We were taught that our "virtue" as women was ours alone to protect, that men were raging, sex-crazed beasts, and that it was up to us to dress correctly so that we would not be "tempting" and cause a man to fall into sin. Some of the tactics used in this teaching included telling girls that sex would be exceedingly painful, that the sexual experience was "mostly for the man" and that sex was our "duty" as wives (because obvs, sex would be TERRIBLE if it was with anyone besides our husbands).

As you might imagine, I had some serious hangups about the act for a long time.

But now? Not so much. I can barely concentrate. I don't know if it's a purely physical thing, or if I'm also panicking because I'm without what I guess could be called "sex on call"...which is, being in a relationship.

(For all you relationship people and marrieds...you are lucky, lucky bitches. Do not think of yourselves in any other way. If you had the problem I am having now--single, 31,without a MySpace account, and not willing to go on Craigslist--you would be more than happy that the person sleeping next to you may have a few extra pounds, that he didn't take out the trash that day, or that one thing he/she does? The one he/she still thinks it's super sexy, and you're like, "Erm, WTF?" You're lucky, and you don't even know it.)

Oh, also? Problem le Quattro--Sex tends to complicates things. I do think it's possible to just have sex with someone without a relationship, but I've seen it get messy. (Hey-o!)

Which leads me to Problem the V--I'm not sure I am ready to date. I kind of think I am, but then I realize that I am still working through some shit. Which may make for good, kinky, NSA sex, but probably also means I'll use sex as a way NOT to deal with said shit.

(I suppose this is the difference between men and women. But that's a post for another day.)

So...the moral of this story is...patience? Or something. Or...I dunno. The good news is, what I'm experiencing feels wonderfully human. So there's that.


Oh geez.

Anyway, ladies and non-pervy gentlemen, this is what has been on my mind. To quote a friend, "Are you going to write about it or what? We've only had seventeen conversations about sex in the last three days."

I am not kidding...I will out your filthiness. Oh, and saying that I have "naked" in my name and I probably deserve the dirty talk? That's kind of like the old, "Did you see what she was wearing?" line...and we all know that's not right. Right? Right.