I missed out on making some sort of definitive statement on Monday, which heralded National Coming Out Day. I'm not gay (though yes, I like boobies), but I do want to come out on my views on sexuality/marriage/love/boning down/etc. I hope I've made it pretty clear on this site that I'm cool with all peoples and relationships and whatnot, but "pretty clear" isn't the same as "crystal." So here goes:
I on board for whatever you do as long as you and whomever you choose to have sex/marry/love/bone down with gives enthusiastic, informed consent, is a legal and capable participant(s), and you are not breaking any vows or bonds of trust or communication established in another relationship. This view includes:
- Adults who have the ability to clearly communicate an informed "yes" or "no"
- Single people of all sexual orientations
- Couples of all sexual orientations who are in pre-communicated, mutually agreed upon open relationships
This does not include:
- Adults who are unable, for any reason, to clearly communicate an informed "yes" or "no". This might be a temporary impairment, such as drunkeness or a drugged state, or a permanent impairment.
- People who are in committed, "closed" relationships.
Oh yeah, and as long as you don't force me to listen to you detail your sexual exploits loudly over dinner one booth over. Other than that, have at it, and have a good time.
To recap: You can be in a relationship with one person or fifty, man or woman, gay, straight, queer, bi-, trans, or questioning. You can watch porn together or not, poke each other with needles or not, do it in the butt or not (<--how mature am I, right!?!). You can scream and yell, be silent and submissive, like feet, balloons, pony play, or wearing animal costumes. As long as you're all adult, you've all said "YES!" with gusto (and you stop when someone says "NO"), and you're not hurting someone else (in the "bad hurt" way and not the "good hurt" way...and this is a FANTASTIC article that clarifies the difference) do it up.
This is not to say that there aren't some things that make me uncomfortable hearing or learning about, but I think this is partly to do with the fact that I was incredibly sheltered growing up, and taught to view human sexuality as a terrible, secretive, and shameful thing. I'm still breaking out of that, but at least I was taught that people of all types deserve kindness, and they deserve a chance at love and friendship without being judged (funny that I was taught both lessons in the same place, no?). Honestly, there will probably always be things that people do with one another that skeeve me out a bit, but it's not because I think those people are horrible people, it's just that what they do isn't something I would get pleasure or joy out of myself. And besides...why is that my business? (Oh right, it's not, as long as people are...yep, see above.)
So yeah. There are my views. I'm off to dress in my full raccoon costume to get me some lovin'.
PS--Please don't credit me with the term "enthusiastic consent." I first read the phrase on Feministe, and it rang true to me.