SUPER FUN TITLE, RIGHT!?!?! Yay for dying alone! Woo hoo to 26 cats, comfortable shoes, and getting caught under the refrigerator in a horrible accident and nobody finding your flabby, lifeless body for days and days!
Wow, how's that for an opener...
Which just goes to show ya, I think we need to start redefining the negativity around this whole ridiculous notion of "dying alone." FACT: we all die alone, because we can't take anyone, or anything, with us.
In reality, I think living a life where we act as if we will die alone will shower us with a whole heap more of actual living that the alternative.
Hear me out. I meet a lot of women who absolutely reek of desperation. You can smell them a mile off...they're paranoid that they won't find someone, or have someone find them, and that no one will love them, ever. They're terrified of the "what if?" What if they're Carrie and they never actually find their Mr. Big? What if there are no happy endings?
OMG, what if vaginas actually do adhere to the rule, "use it or lose it"?!?!
And I want to take them all, sit them down and say, "Yes. You might die alone. Please accept this fact."
Because once you accept the fact that you may not find Mr. Right (which we maybe shouldn't believe in anyway), you get to move on. And once you move on, you get to live your life in a full and awesome way.
Seriously. How would your life change if you really embraced this fact? It might look like this...
-Instead of approaching every date like this guy (or girl) might be your savior, you'd be more relaxed. You'd know that even if the date goes horribly, you'll still be an awesome, worthwhile person at the end of the day. (Which would also empower you to leave the date if it were bad.)
-Instead of sitting at home miserable because all your friends are married or having babies, you'd be out and about, taking a new class, hiking a new trail, trying something different for a change.
-Instead of either a) "giving up" or b) overdoing it, you'd be content and happy with who YOU are.
-Instead of killing yourself at the gym to fit some ridiculous ideal that some dude may or may not like, you'd live an active, healthy lifestyle because it feels good and is good for you as an individual.
-Instead of basing your confidence and self-worth on how many dates/screws/relationships you've had, you'd know that you're fine, with or without dates/screws/relationships.
I'm not saying you won't slip up. I'm not saying you won't be lonely at times, or really, really want to get laid, or hell, just really, really want someone to hold you before you fall asleep. There will be times when you will want to give up, shave your head, and adopt a whole herd (pride?) of felines. There will be times when you're the over-dressed one at the casual function, exuding desperation pheromones like the overly aggressive lady at the Macy's perfume counter. And there will most certainly be times when you feel like there is something wrong with YOU and that's why no one loves you.
Wrong. Lies. Falsehoods.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, you can't take any of this with you. You can be (and should be) just as whole of a person inside a relationship as outside of one. So why not be the very best person you can be, whether or not there is such a thing as your personal Prince Charming?
It would change things, wouldn't it?
Even if you do find someone (or have found someone) this statement from a friend kind of sums it all up:
"I've learned that all I can do is work on being the kind of person I need to be. My partner can choose to leave at any time, and say, 'I don't want this any more.' And still, all I can do is be the right kind of person in our relationship. We can grow, and we can change, but every day, I gotta be sure that I am a whole person, because I won't be able to give much of myself or make my part of the relationship work if I'm not."
The moral: Be a whole person, right now, in a relationship or outside of one.
I know this post kind of stinks of "be true to yourself" bullshit. It's not my intent. I've personally been learning that I can either spend my life waiting or I can spend my life going after the awesome. When I write here, these are the things I am internalizing daily. I have by no means "made it" and you know I do my best to never feed you lines of crap.
So let's do this living thing daily, together. K?
(And you totally know I'd come check on you if the refrigerator fell on you.)