I met with a good friend from grad school yesterday. She's one of those people that you meet in life and it's almost scary how much alike the two of you are, down to your freakin' names. We are different in some ways, though: she's about fifty-two pounds lighter than I, she can move her ass on the dance floor in ways that are not quite human, and she has the gift of barging through life with the utmost confidence in herself and her success.
As we chatted, I threw in the phrase, "Yeah, I don't know" throughout the conversation. Those words usually followed a statement of some long-forgotten dream I had or buffered ideas that suggested personal change. And as I, frankly, WHINED for a few minutes about how I just felt so unsure about the future, she stopped me.
"Look," she said. "I'm at that point in my life where...well this might sound a little mean..."
"Bring it," I said.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, "I've learned that at this point, at the age we are, I think you know what you really want. It's just a matter of making it happen."
It was like she had peered into my soul and saw the clutching hag (yes, I have a hag in my soul) with her tiny secrets of hope and desire and she told that old hag off. It was one of those moments of clarity, a time when I was not only able to admit what it was that I wanted, but also clearly see the sacrifice it might (will?) involve and say, "It's okay, it's worth it."
And boom, there was my life's motto on a platter: Life is fun(nier) when you're naked. As soon as I was really honest with myself, it was like the future had been scrubbed clean by a warm spring shower. No, I'm not clairvoyant (well, I might be, but that's a topic for another day), but now, instead of hiding my little nugget of truth and getting my panties all in a bunch trying to find alternatives for my life, I am able to relax into a purpose, I suppose. It's kind of exciting...I have no idea how it's going to all work out, but I'm ok with that. I'll keep you all updated as I put more of a shape and plan into the next few months.
But enough about me...what about you? I'll say to you what my friend said to me: "I think you know what you really want." Now go out there and get it.