(How To) Stop Caring

A few months ago I wrote about how we need to Stop Caring.

And good lord, is it really hard to maintain that state of mind sometimes.

In fact, I've been in conversation with some of you who have been like, "Um, HOW am I supposed to stop caring, when, in fact, I care a whole bunch?"

Thankfully, you seem catch me on days when I'm doing REALLY well in that department. But some days, yes, I suck at it, like, a lot.

When I am doing awesome at it (if I do say so myself), here's what I'll ask you when you ask about your own Stop-Caring-o-Meter...

1. Are you getting enough sleep?

I can't even explain what kind of a wreck I can become on a chronic lack of sleep. It's easy to get all in a tizzy about stupid things that don't matter or things that are completely out of your control when you're tired and cranky. So, if you find you're anxious and fretting over, "Why didn't he call?" or "Why aren't I married?" or "OH MY GOD, MY UTERUS IS BECOMING A SHRIVELED RAISIN!" try taking a nap. It really might help.

2. Are you finding fulfillment in other parts of your life?

I find it's easy to completely forget about dating and relationship drama when I am creatively fulfilled. The last few months have been chock-full of not only my favorite things, but projects and opportunities that challenge me and require that I tap into hidden reservoirs of the best-of-me-ness. Now, I know we can't always be in situations where we get to do our favorite things allllll the time, but if you've been neglecting the things that make you feel the most YOU, figure out why you're neglecting it, and dagnabit, get back to it.

3. Are you taking care of yourself physically?

Lately, I've discovered a marked difference in my mood when I skip the gym. No matter how gross or tired I feel, I've found that even just a 1/2 hour walking the dogs can help me put things in perspective (I've grown to prefer something more intense of late, which is awesome). I also take St. Jon's Wort every day, and when I skip...yeah, sad times.

Oh, and food? Yes, comfort food is wonderful, but if you're on your sixth day of eating a log of cheese and five 100 calorie packs of Oreos for dinner, well, yeah. Your body and brain are going to react adversely to that kind of "fuel". (This is why I no longer buy boxes of mac and cheese, because I would eat that shit with Sriracha every night. No joke. I do not trust myself with it, at all. It is a drug. A bad one.)

SO! If you can go through that list, and know you're doing all the right things, and you STILL care? Well, maybe that's okay, too. I am learning to open myself up to what I'm feeling, to being more vulnerable, to even--gulp--allowing myself to be in a position to be hurt. I want to be a strong woman, but I don't think that strength has to be stone cold, either. Sometimes I think it's okay to want something badly and to hope that it works out. The joy that comes with getting what you want, or even the disappointment of not getting what you want can both be beautiful things.

But either way, remember, you matter despite how much attention you're getting from the people you'd like to bone/love/marry. This is a true statement.