How to Leave a Date, Part One

This is why I love you guys:

...and of course, this is not the only story I've heard from you all about daring window escapes. Consider this horror story submission from Dating Horror Stories 2009:

Okay, here's my dating horror story:  THIS IS A TRUE STORY

Went out on a blind date set up by my mother (known in the family as E.O. - The Evil One), who apparently doesn't know me at all. The guy looked just like Judd Nelson in St. Elmo's Fire and was a total Young Republican. I arrange to meet "Judd" at the restaurant (pretentious French restaurant, no less) and I get there first. I'm sitting at the bar, talking to a lovely Shia Labeouf type who I'd much rather go out with, when in walks "Judd." I already know how this is going to end.

So, we sit down, he orders for me because he's a wanna-be like that, and he proceeds to tell me how much he hates "faggots", thinks they should be eradicated from the Earth, and that he can't believe I'm black. (My mother is white so he would have gotten no warning of this). "Not that I don't enjoy coloreds, my grandma had a colored nanny..."  Yeah. It went there. So, naturally, I excuse myself to go to the ladies room, making sure that I have all of my belongings, of course, since I don't plan on returning to the table.

I go to the ladies room which is within eye sight of our table (apparently, he's not important enough to score a "good" table) and try to figure out how I'm going to sneak out. Ah ah! Window! So, I stand on the counter and try to push the window up but it's really stuck. Probably painted shut. I'm pushing and all of a sudden it flies up....and shatters. At that moment, a waitress walks in, sees me and automatically assumes that I'm trying to skip on the check. Management is alerted, they call the police (probably because I'm "colored" lol). I'm all "I'm here with someone, he's right out there in the dining room!" Now I'm really screwed because not only will I have to pay for the  window, I'll have to explain to the restaurant, the police AND Judd why I was trying to open the window in the first place....

No need to worry though. Judd had skipped on me while I was in the ladies room. I made the Evil One pay for the window.

You guys. These stories are made of awesomeness that you can pass to your grandchildren and snort beer out of your nose when you re-tell 'em to your friends...but there is a better way. Tomorrow we're talking how to leave dates with your dignity (and restaurant windows) intact. Stay tuned!

Tuesday: How to Leave a Date, Part Two