The thought rang in my mind, clear as a bell. I'm actually HAPPY, I thought. Weird.
I mean, not that it should necessarily be weird to be happy, right? But for those of you who've been around here for awhile, you know I haven't exactly had the easiest start to 2011. The last few months have been busy and rewarding, yes, but have I felt happy?
Fulfilled with my projects? Sure.
Content with my friends? Yes.
Able to have the good times with the laughter and the talking and the whatnot? Of course.
But happy? I don't think I was quite there yet.
Yesterday, however, it was startling to realize that maybe, just maybe, I'm out of the woods for a bit. It was like I'd woken up from a long nap of stress and emotion and brokenness to find that I actually feel rested and secure and ready to go. Happy to the point where of course, I remember hurting, but happy enough that it seems more like a distant memory than a freshly inflicted wound.
Happy with who I am.
Happy with what I am doing.
Happy with my life and how it's evolving.
I'm sure there will be more tears. There always will be. I'll have super shitty days again at some point. I'll do something awful, or have something awful done to me, and boom, no more yellow, fuzzy glow of contentment.
But for now? Yeah. I like it.