This dating horror story comes from Sara, who experienced quite possibly the most awkward wedding date in the history of the universe. Don't believe me? Read on!
A long time ago, I was invited to a wedding by a person whom I was casually dating (we'll call him Mr. Casual). I was surprised by the invitation, since I didn't feel that the status of our relationship really deemed an invite to a wedding, but just figured "why not".
The day before the wedding Mr. Casual said, "Oh, by the way I'm IN the wedding." I was again surprised as I thought that this might have come up as being a guest of somebody in the wedding party changes things. (And had I known, I would have declined the invitation to begin with.)
On the day of the wedding, I found my way to the church and was unpleasantly surprised (again....) to immediately be attacked by Mr. Casual's Scary Mommy (whom I had only met in passing). We sat in the 100+ degree church and waited for the magic to begin. We waited...for an hour. People were literally passing out from the heat.
The Bridal Party FINALLY began to enter in. Mr. Casual stepped right into the space that is usually reserved for the Best Man. He instantly got moved by one of the other groomsmen. Mr. Casual moved over AGAIN. He was once again moved to the end of the line. At that point, Scary Mommy hissed, "Why aren't they letting my little pumpkin stand where he WANTS to???" She looked at the wedding program and erupted in absolute fury. "Look at this!" she hysterically whispered. "My little boy didn't even get his name in this stupid thing!"
Indeed he had not. Fishy business going on....
The Bride finally marched in an hour and 25 minutes late. At the end of the ceremony I walked thru the receiving line and was given the Look Of Death by the Bride. At this point in time, I was very confused over everything that had happened so far, but I made it my mission to get to the bottom of things.
All of the guests traveled across town to the reception area and kicked things off with a cocktail hour. TWO HOURS later the fairly tipsy group of guests were let into the reception area...where we waited again. The DJ kept saying things to stall like "We've just heard from the wedding party and there has been a slight delay..."
I took this time to find my assigned seat. I found it, right at the head table. I was the ONLY non wedding party member at the head table and I was positioned so that I was sitting at a corner. I took a quick glance around and sure enough, Mr. Casual was stuck at a corner as well. My horror had just started to sink in when the Absolutely Wasted wedding party TUMBLED into the reception area.
Mr. Casual said to me (drunkenly), "Oh, I forgot to tell you that you aren't going to be getting a dinner but you can share mine." The reception rolled on, the wedding party got even drunker, and the Bride was escorted to the ladies room for quite a long period of time. Mr. Casual continued to act like nothing was wrong, danced like a chicken on crack (after proclaiming himself "king of the dance floor") and Mr. Casual's Mommy followed him around all night taking action shots of her drunk little muffin.
The Bride finally came out of the bathroom and caught me at my corner-of-the-table seat. "YOU," she slurred at me, "really FUCKED up my SEATING!!"
"I'm so sorry," I said, "but I have no idea how I could have done that."
"YOUR FUCKING boyfriend," she hissed. "He DEMANDED to be in the wedding at the LAST minute and then he tells my fiancé TWO days ago that he's bringing SOME CHICK." At this point her voice lowered to a deadly whisper. "Do you know what STRESS this has caused????"
I decided that was my cue to go. I tracked Mr. Casual down, (he was grinding with Scary Mommy on the dance floor) and asked if he had brought a gift that I could leave my card with. "GIFT?" he cackled "No gift from ME, my gift to them was being in the WEDDING!"
Oh. My. God.
I walked out, hailed a taxi and never looked back.
Yikes! Any of you ever been to a wedding as a date when it was "too early" to be so? What's your worst wedding experience?